At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
