Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
