You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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