You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
