i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
