All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
