the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
