I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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