my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
