I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
