Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
