We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You dont lie about slip and slides
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
