dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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