so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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