She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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