Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
