he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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