There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
