I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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