Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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