You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Buhtt sex?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
