I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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