Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
