i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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