You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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