I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
