I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
