So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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