The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
