You made me cry and you don't even care
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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