I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
