It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
