Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
