i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
