My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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