who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
