Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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