dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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