is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
