glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
