Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
