no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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