i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
