Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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