They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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