make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
