there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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