So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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