I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
