i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I looked at my own cervix.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
