I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
