Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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