He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
how drunk are you?
Several
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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